You meet. You go on some dates. You fall in love. You get married.

That's the typical cycle in the LDS dating scene.

But that simple cycle is becoming complicated as more LDS singles forgo the traditional dating scene and turn to the Internet for alternatives.

Take Craig and Sabrina Jensen, for example.

They met last June in a chat room devoted to members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and were married in December.

Craig, 23, a former BYU student from Portland, Ore., chatted with Sabrina, who lived in California, for more than two months before they met in person.

"When we met there was no awkwardness," Craig said. "It was like we had already known each other."

Craig said meeting online was advantageous for them. He and Sabrina were able to get to know each other without being clouded by appearances.

Although Craig and Sabrina did not initially frequent LDSChat.com looking for love, Web sites do exist for that sole purpose.

LdsSingles.com, for example, was one of the first online dating services for the LDS crowd.

"I wanted to provide a tool that would allow people to expand their social circles beyond their immediate areas," said Bob Haupt, founder and president of the Web site, which began in 1996.

He said his site has tens of thousands of registered users. It lists profiles of each user with pertinent information (including mission information and temple worthiness). An instant message program called "Encounters" allows registered members to interact with each other with profiles and photos in view.

A variety of other sites have also materialized, each offering different features and focus.

Singlesaints.com, for example, boasts a humorous atmosphere.

"We try and keep the atmosphere light and fun, rather than centered on marriage," Web master Randy Tayler said. "I think that's what draws people to the site -- it's not cheesy romance, but fun while you're single."

He said he faces challenges, however in drawing users. He said the biggest problem is the stigma attached to online dating.

"It seems like 90 percent of the world thinks it's for weirdoes and losers," Tayler said. "We try to overcome that by keeping it humorous and laid back."

Despite the stigma, Tayler said the LDS culture can be conducive to online dating because of the focus on dating and marriage.

"There's more pressure to date, being LDS, and I think some people start to get depressed if they're still single," he said. "That is a motivator for some people to try anything."

But not all members of the church are supportive of the online dating scene.

Mike Christensen, 29, a musician from Sandy, tried online dating, but was not happy with the results.

He said most of the women he has met looked different in person from their pictures online.

"Most girls put up pictures that are model type, but then you meet them in person and you say, 'What happened to you?'" Christensen said. "People always come back disappointed. You can just lie a lot through online dating."

Christensen said most people would be better off meeting people in more traditional ways.

In fact, at a fireside to the youth of the church last November, President Gordon B. Hinckley even said, "Don't try to create associations through the Internet and chat rooms. They can lead you down into the very abyss of sorrow and bitterness."

Eric Denna, vice president of information technology and CIO at BYU, said he strongly discourages chat rooms.

"I think they're dangerous," he said. "You never know who you're talking to. It's kind of the ultimate blind date, and that can be pretty dangerous."

While Web masters seem to realize the dangers of chat rooms, Tayler said LDS sites are probably a better way to meet people than other places on the Web.

"We consider ours to be a pretty safe place," he said.

Haupt's advice for online daters is simple: "Be cautious," he said. "Use your heads."

He said when meeting a person for the first time, meet in a public place, and have a friend present.

For Craig, who met Sabrina before the prophet's counsel was given, said it makes sense.

"When he said that I could understand where he's coming from," Jensen said. "Yet on the other hand, hey, I got lucky. I look at it as it was meant to be."



Copyright Brigham Young University 6 Nov 2001