For BYU students who have questions about campus life, dating or the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow (African, that is), there's an information source wiser than Socrates and more mysterious than Deep Throat. BYU's oracle is the 100-Hour Board, and The Bubble's own Elizabeth Bennett broke into their ranks to get the skinny on the gurus who answer your questions. How smart are these folks anyway?
Q: Let's start with the easy questions. What's your name?
A: My name? Or my pseudonym?
Q: Oh, yeah. Um, your pseudonym. You guys use fake names, right?
A: Saurus. You can't put my name with my real name in the article.
Q: Okay. How secretive are you guys?
A: Um, it's ... we take it seriously, but at the same time it's all in fun.
Q: How seriously?
A: We just don't say who we are. A lot of the board members don't know each other. I don't know probably 90 percent of them, but I might be an exception because I just missed the first of the year "let's meet everybody" party.
Q: So you do have parties?
A: Yeah, but those are secret.
Q: Do you have to wear masks?
A: No.
Q: Oh. That's disappointing. How do you guys get assignments?
A: E-mail. It's all by e-mail.
Q: Who emails you?
A: The One.
Q: The One?
A: The One who's In Charge.
Q: Is that the job title?
A: Honestly, when they first e-mailed me to tell me, when I e-mailed this guy who I knew was associated with the board to just kind of apply, to see if I could write for them, he's like, "I forwarded your message to The One."
Q: How do you get to be The One? How do you rise through the ranks?
A: I don't know, you probably just have to kill the top person. That's the only thing I can think of.
Q: Probably.
A: Or they have to graduate. There are two ways.
Q: But first you have to find out who they are.
A: Oh, I know who they are.
Q: Does it ever take you longer than 100 hours?
A: Oh, yeah. Totally. I mean, that's the ideal, that's the goal, but ... you get what you pay for.
Q: But you don't pay for anything.
A: That's true. You could also say we offer a money-back guarantee.
Q: What's the hardest question you've ever been asked?
A: The hardest ones are the ones that are really specific. They could ask something like "My fiancée's grandma is in town and she's from Denmark and we're looking for a Danish English school for her to go to in Provo."
Q: Ok, but you know that now that you've said that, someone is going to read this article and they're going to write you and ask about Danish/English school in Provo for their fiancée's grandma.
A: Well, then they can wait longer than 100 hours. Ok, here's the thing. We have a cop-out method.
Q: Ohhhh, what's the cop-out method?
A: If you don't know the answer, you make it up.
[Laughter]
Now, that doesn't mean you shouldn't believe it, because usually the information is totally accurate. Some writers I have a distaste for. I wouldn't name names, mostly because I don't know their real names, but I just read their stuff and I think they're not being original or whatever. Some people, I read their stuff and I'm loving it.
Q: Let's get the dirt: are there rivalries on the 100 hour board?
A: I don't think so. Every once in a while we'll send comments back and forth if someone makes a grave error in something they wrote.
Q: Do you ever know the answers off the top of your head?
A: Yes, well... sometimes...
Q: Do you know lots of useless trivia?
A: I started writing because I like writing stuff on a little impromptu, meaningless basis. If I were writing a book I would really butcher the thing.
Q: Do you always use the name Saurus?
A: Unless I'm going to make some really inflammatory comment that would get Saurus pegged as a jerk.
Q: Ok, twenty questions rapid fire. This is the elimination round.
A: So if I miss one I'm out of here?
Q: Yep. Ready? How many people are on the board?
A: I'd say ... about 20.
Q: How many are good writers?
A: Seven to 10 are really good writers. Five are really, really good writers, and I'm probably not one of them, but there are 10 or more who when I see their names, I just skip.
Q: Are you going to write on the board until your finished at BYU?
A: I think so.
Q: When did Turkey become a country?
A: I couldn't tell you, but I could find out fast.
Q: So you guys are pretty much a glorified Google search?
A: That's one way of putting it.
Q: Can you tell anybody that you write for the 100 hour board?
A: Well, yeah. What I've been asked to keep to myself is that I use a pseudonym.
Q: So you can't tell people?
A: I can, but I don't.
Q: Do you ever tell people?
A: Yeah. I mean, it's nothing so big that they'd go around saying, "Hey, he writes for the 100 hour board." And the whole anonymity thing adds [the experience]... you can feign omniscience, too.
Q: But then you can't use it to impress the ladies?
A: Well, if I ever wanted to, if I really thought I was that impressive I could tell them who I was. "Hey, baby, go read what I wrote on there."
Q: Maybe you should try it.
A: Maybe I should, and then they can be like, "What is the 100 hour board?"
[After examining a recent question about kissing]
Q: Do you ever feel like Dear Abby?
A: I guess I wrote this one kind of in that style.
Copyright Brigham Young University 18 Sep 2003
