With all the things to plan for a wedding, the last thing on the mind of any bride or groom is the etiquette of the occasion. But ignoring the socially acceptable rules of the event could turn an otherwise extraordinary day into a huge mess.

Planning a wedding doesn’t have to be a hassle—as long as you keep on top of everything.

“Stay organized and be methodical; it doesn’t need to be high-strung,” said Connie Nielson, owner of The Bridal Center in Provo. “If you let craziness happen, you have a problem.”

In order to avoid “craziness,” etiquette rules should come into play as soon as a couple gets engaged.

The main things to remember when getting engaged are consideration, communication and compromise, according to TopWeddingLinks.com, a wedding planning Web site. Be sure to share the big news with your immediate family and friends first so they don’t feel left out or hear about it secondhand. Include both sets of parents in the planning stages from the beginning, especially while identifying a budget and guest list.

When planning a wedding, it is improper etiquette to mention a gift registry on the initial invitation. However, registry information is appropriate on bridal shower invitations. Also, remember all gifts must be returned if the wedding is called off.

Choosing attire for the big day is another big decision. Etiquette holds that once the bride has chosen her own dress and the colors for the wedding, the mother of the bride chooses her dress, followed by the mother of the groom. Both mother's dresses should complement each other’s as well as the wedding party. And, unless the bridesmaids will be wearing black, it is poor etiquette for the mother’s dresses to be black. They can also have matching corsages or a bouquet.

Etiquette also dictates who pays for what in the wedding party.

The bride should pay for the groom’s ring and wedding gift, as well as gifts for her bridesmaids. The groom usually finances the bride’s rings and gifts, and flowers for the bride and wedding party. He also traditionally pays for the honeymoon and wedding license.

The family of the bride is responsible for the cost of the reception, wedding dress, and photographers. Leading up to the wedding, they pay for the invitations, announcements, and accessories and flowers for the bridesmaids.

The groom’s family pays for their own wedding clothes, the rehearsal dinner and travel and lodging expenses for the family.

Bridesmaids and groomsmen have their own fiscal responsibilities as well. They are usually expected to pay for their own wedding clothes as well as their travel expenses if the wedding is out of town. Because being a member of the wedding party is such a commitment, both in time and money, it is appropriate if a member has to politely decline the invitation.

Weddings are a big day for all those involved and should turn out just as the bride always dreamed. Of course, etiquette rules should be involved in the day as well.

“Your wedding day is your wedding day, and the bottom line is that you have a right to be happy and have things your way,” writes Linda Kevich, creator and editor of SuperWeddings.com, on her site. “But, you must remain gracious, kind and hospitable at the same time.”

WEDDING CHECKLIST

BRIDES:

· Choose an engagement ring.

· Pick the date and site, color and style of wedding.

· Create guest list.

· Ask maid/matron of honor and bridesmaids.

· Shop for wedding dress and wedding party attire.

· Arrange bridesmaid's fittings.

· Delegate duties to honor attendant and bridesmaids.

· Plan a bridesmaid's luncheon.

· Arrange for lodging for out-of-town attendants and guests.

· Select a special gift for the groom.

· Send thank-you notes.

GROOMS:

· Take your fiancé to choose a ring.

· Discuss the budget with the bride and both families.

· Help to assemble the guest list.

· Assist with planning as needed.

· Select best man and ushers.

· Plan the rehearsal dinner and the payment of the dinner.

· Select a special gift for the bride.

· Secure all the necessary documents; marriage license; premarital counseling.

· Reserve blocks of rooms for all the out-of-town guests.

· Send thank-you notes.



Copyright Brigham Young University 17 Feb 2005