BYU NewsNet - Sports viewpoint: Soccer fans, step off

I hate soccer.

I see soccer more as a fun FHE game than a sport, and most Americans are on my side. In a 2004 Harris Poll, 4 percent of Americans said soccer was their favorite sport while 69 percent said it was football, baseball or basketball.

Supporters of soccer are quick to call 96 percent of Americans, including myself, ignorant because we don't understand soccer. The fact is, we do. Soccer is as easy to understand as UNO. There are 17 or so rules and players run up and down a field trying to kick a checkered ball in a goal that a semi could drive through. But I guess we Americans can't understand this. We can understand when others need help - as we are the most generous country in the world. We can understand when others need help from tyrants - as we rescue the oppressed and the afflicted. But we can't understand soccer? Right.

I also hear supporters say soccer, or more specifically the World Cup, brings peace. Soccer brings so much peace that riots occur after almost every game with inevitable serious injuries or even deaths. Moreover, while racism abounds in every sport, soccer takes the cake by far. European soccer fans throw bananas at black soccer players and yell ethnic slurs. The sad part is that other fans, players, coaches and the soccer governing body do nothing to curb such things. In Major League Baseball, everyone lambasted former Atlanta Braves pitcher John Rocker after he made some racial remarks. Needless to say, Rocker no longer plays in the Majors.

One reason I think Americans, like myself, don't like soccer because it is so boring to watch. In America, sports fans would rather see points scored by the dozens then watch a 1-0 game. If I am going to invest 90 minutes of my time watching something, I don't want to see only one goal scored. The NHL learned this lesson and decided to make it easier to score goals by adjusting a few rules. After all, the fans support teams, not vice versa.

ESPN also realizes the lack of support and respect soccer gets from Americans. ESPN is sending only three or so sports broadcasters to Germany to call the games. Broadcasters will call the rest of the games from Bristol, Conn., ESPN's headquarters.

Another reason Americans don't like soccer is because of the lack of talent that plays in Major League Soccer. This is why the MLS is about as popular as the WNBA. All of the most talented players are in Europe. Americans are accustomed to the best of the best in everything including sports. If we can't get the best players by throwing money at them, we tend to hate them.

There are worse soccer fans than Americans - they are American LDS soccer fans. So many missionaries serve in countries where soccer is everything (ahem...Brazil) that when they come home they are born-again soccer fans. To make matters worse, these RMs root for the country where they served over the U.S., their native land. When we have a Bush-induced WWIII, I do not want one of these Kyle Whittingham-like traitors in the same foxhole or even the same side as me. I fully understand the love that one feels toward those we serve, but this shouldn't become so extreme one forsakes the place they were born and raised for the place they served.

Despite all of this soccer bashing, I will watch the World Cup simply because I am an American first and a soccer hater second (having it broadcasted in HD doesn't hurt either). I even got up early to watch the U.S. curling team win bronze at the 2005 Winter Olympics, and curling is as boring as soccer. Come Monday morning, I will be awake, watching and cheering, "U.S.A.! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"