Science has defined it as an evolutionary trait of human beings. A professor called it a series of attachments. A young couple expressed it as an unselfish friendship. From the simple form of romantics to the complex study of neuroscience, each person has his or her own definition of love.

In recent studies, researchers have found evidence to suggest that romance is part of evolution and natural selection. In the Jan. 17 issue of Time Magazine, an article titled "Romance is an Illusion" explains how scientists used to think humans were unique in their language, tool making and foresight capabilities. However, scientists discovered that other animals do possess the genes necessary for these traits, and they also have the oxytocin chemical that is secreted during sexual intercourse. The chemical results in a "switching on" of reward pathways in the brain and causing a feeling of being in love.

Although researchers have uncovered similarities between the mental and physical capabilities of humans and animals, they propose that humans have split away from other animals' simple desire to reproduce and have evolved love into a "commitment device" or a natural instinct to protect offspring and develop loyalty to a mate.

Tom Holman, BYU professor of family life, disagrees with the idea of love simply being an evolutionary process. Instead, Holman argues that it was placed in humans by God starting with Adam and Eve. In addition, Holman explained how love is manifest differently depending on the person and his or her life situation, which suggests how and what people love is a choice, not a force of evolution.

Humans develop love through a series of connections, or "attachments," with other human beings from infancy to adulthood.

"By our very natures, we seek connections with other people. That first attachment is usually with a parent ... a mother," Holman said. "If it's done well, we feel secure, we feel confident and competent."

Holman explained further that if the attachment does not take place, the child can feel insecure and scared, attributes that they carry into adulthood. However, humans can choose to overcome insecurities and have healthy relationships as adults, or keep their insecurities and develop immature relationships. Either way, it is up to the individual, not evolution.

Holman defined love as the security and trust that begins in infancy with healthy attachments and progresses into a mature love as an adult: a love that entails friendship, sharing and fulfillment of needs, both physical and emotional.

"In movies we see sexual lust, but that isn't love," Holman said. "Our culture wants you to believe that is what love is, that you can satisfy these sexual things and then a more mature love will grow out of it. Research doesn't support that, but movie makers don't care about research."

Amber Robins, a recreation management and youth leadership major from Tracy, Calif., has discovered for herself that dating and finding a spouse are not like a movie.

"I think a lot of LDS girls have a fairy tale view of marriage," Robins said. "[But] you have to work for it. You have to go out and seek it."

Robins defined her love as caring for someone to the extent of putting the other's feelings above her own.

Robins' ideas and definitions have been put to good use. She will marry Evan Norby, a recent BYU graduate from Cheyenne, Wyo., on May 20. The couple met in September 2006 and became friends, but did not pursue a romantic relationship for another five months.

"I had never really dated friends before," Norby said. "But in talking ... with a close [guy] friend, it became clear to me that I should open up to that idea."

Taking a chance, Norby decided to date Robins, which led to a stronger friendship. That, in turn, was the foundation for their dating relationship.

Norby disagreed with the idea of love being an evolutionary process, but instead sees evolution as a part of the love between two individuals. Robins explained that just as their status changed from friends, to boyfriend/girlfriend, and then to an engaged couple, so did their love.

"Even when we first said, 'I love you,' it didn't mean the same thing as it does now," she said.

Copyright Brigham Young University 13 Feb 2008